Solareto Mimi's World

Daftar Orang2 yg Kuharap Bisa Kutendang

2010-01-18T18:07:00.000-08:00

Aku sedang sangat murka. Suasana hatiku sedang sangat kacau. Emosiku bagai rollercoaster, sehari senang, berhari2 murung, berminggu2 murka. Aku marah2 melulu, segala2nya tampak begitu salah.

Aku butuh pelampiasan, ingin rasanya mencari gara2 dengan preman pasar dan menantang seseorg berantem head to head.

Aku ingin menendang, berteriak2, menjambak, meninju, memiting, membanting, mematahkan, meludahi, memaki2.

Aku butuh menyendiri sesaat, karena akan makin runyam jika aku menghadapi dunia dgn kelakuan yg super sakit jiwa seperti di atas.

Aku butuh waktu untuk menyendiri, menyamankan dan mengamankan diriku sndiri (dan terutama org2 lain di skitarku >_<). I need some time to be with myself. Just alone. I need to feel secure and I need some comfort. I need to ponder. I need to be with my inner self. I need a time on my own to put things back into place and then get my feet back on the ground. Entah mengapa pacarku tak bisa memahami ini semua... Yakh sutralah, karena aku tak mungkin menendangi semua org yg ingin kutendang, mari kita puaskan kekacauan hatiku dengan membuat daftarnya saja...Smg segera setelah itu aku merasa jauh lebih baik. Amienn... Inilah org2 yg kuharap bisa kutendang, kujambak, kucabik, kuumpankan hiu martil, kubanting, kulindas truk, kumaki2, kuceburkan kolam ubur2, kusetrum di gardu listrik, kulontarkan dgn human canon, kutampol dengan shock breaker motor, kucabuti semua bulu2nya dengan teknik Brazilian waxing(sedaaappp!): 1. Pacarku yg ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH 2. His ex yg janda ga taw malu (ada apa dgn janda2 jaman skrg ni yakh...ga ngerti deuhh @_@ sputus asa itukah? 3. Temen kosku yg bawel n sok jadi polisi moral 4. Temen kantorku yg mesum & najis buntjies & sok kecakepan & jijay bajay yg hobinya muter lagu menye2 super najong macem 'Sang Mantan' nya Nidji (Blearrgghhh! Jijik bgt tauk!) 5. Diriku sendiri (atas semua akumulasi ketololanku slm 25 taun trakhir nee) 6. Manajer di kantorku yg payah (payah lu, Pak, sini biar gw ja yg jd MD, huh, gt aja kok repwott!) 7. Temen2ku di Bali yg sok ganteng, yg aneh, yg sok, yg lebay melambai (muak bgt ma lu2 pada, tauk) 8. Ibu Kantin kantorku yg super duper pelit n paiiiitttttt 9. Rhoma Irama (ga da dendem pribadi seh, cmn suka kesel aja liat tmpng mesumnya) Ganjil nehhh…kurg atu…sapa yakh…hemmm…ga da lg tu yg patut dikasi tendangan combo attack alla premanita…yah udahlah sembilan ajah…

Book of Life :Chapter One

2009-11-25T19:48:00.000-08:00

Say G'dbye to Yesterday

Just like the darkest night

So dark was my past

And just like the darkest night

Light makes them pass

I know I can't escape my past

And what I did

But I also know I can let them pass me by

And I know the wise sees what one does

Instead of what one ever did

I wipe my eyes dry

And wave my past g'dbye

No more crying over who I was

No more tears of guilt

No more hiding because of shame

No more pains of self-blame

I'll welcome tomorrow with a warm 'hi'

I break the chains of my past and fly

Into better days in which I can do much better things

I'll make peace with those who are buzzing about my past sins

And let one who never sin be the first to cast a stone at me*

I see a divine mercy right before my eyes

Provides me a shelter under its wings

As from now on, to God only I shall cling

*See John 8:7

Be Rich or Die Trying

2009-11-25T18:18:00.000-08:00

Aku ingin mencabik-cabik matahari

Dan kulumatkan menjadi milyaran debu

Matahari yang congkak

Kejam memanaskan bumi

Mendidihkan darahku

Sampai ingin teriak hingga ke atap langit

Kemarau adalah kemiskinan

Teriknya menyengat hingga dagingku mengerut

Menyesap darahku hingga kerontang

Menghantam kepalaku bak gada Sang Anoman

saat aku memikirkan cara mengepulkan dapurku

Membuatku pusing hingga hampir meledak

ketika teman-temanku raib pas kantongku kempis

Memantulkan semua kesal dan kecewaku

atas segudang keinginan yang tak teraih

Menyilaukanku dengan seribu hasratku sendiri yang tak terwujud

hingga aku setengah buta

Menguapkan danau mimpi-mimpi dan harapanku

Membakar pohon citaku dan hati pun jadi beringas

Memerahkan mataku seperti setan kelaparan

Meranggaskan jiwaku yang sangat haus

Aku sudah bukan lagi 'medium'

Apalagi 'rare'

I'm well-done

Bahkan kurasa aku sudah gosong alias 'overcooked'

Betapa aku merindukan hujan

Mengairi relung-relung hatiku yang berdebu

Menyejukkan otakku yang mengepul dengan airnya yang dingin dan bening

Menjernihkan mataku hingga aku dapat melihat dengan jelas

Menggelontor tumpukan kepahitanku

Membasuh luka-luka batinku

Membilas cermin hatiku yang buram

Setiap tetes sangatlah berharga

Tetesan pertama memercikiku dengan ketenangan yang syahdu

Tetesan kedua mengucuriku dengan sejumput harapan

Tetesan ketiga mengguyurku dengan gelombang mimpi-mimpi baru yang lebih indah dan hebat

Tetesan keempat menghujaniku dengan dorongan untuk bangkit dan berlari meraih

Setiap tetes adalah emas mulia

To Marry or not to Marry

2009-11-10T23:18:00.000-08:00

My tutor has just blatantly stated that marriage is overrated. It's just a piece of paper. Is it?

Does marriage emerge out of pressure given by our society? Do we marry mainly because we are bound to obey social norms?

She went further with a shocking suggestion, "You should even try that whole livin' together thing". It's a very controversial idea for a naive Eastern woman like me. I've heard that before, though. My newlywed best friend believes exactly in the same idea.

She said that marriage causes 'the real her' and 'the real him' to vanish. Moving from a courtship into a marriage, a loving relationship is very likely to become not so loving anymore in the long run.

Call me conservative, but isn't this whole livin' together thing for those who are shallow? Those who need an instant fulfillment of their unbearable urges? Those who are tryin' to eliminate unwanted and binding responsibilities caused by marriage?

I mean, off course marriage comes with all those shit binding us to some exclusive and prerogative rights and compulsory responsibilities. That's what a commitment is all about. That's what a marriage is all about. We need and love that feeling of being bound to somebody. Well...that's what I used to think.

I'm just wondering if livin' together is just a way to get rid all those that we don't like from a relationship OR is it a way to make things even better. Is it just some shallow shortcut into what we only want OR is it an anticipation to the so-called 'potential hell', a marriage?

5 to 9

2009-10-26T11:04:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday
And I'm in my new polka dot
Guess it's gonna be my big day
'Cause I'm going out with my Todd

It's four
And I'm in my new polka dot
Waiting in front of the door
Whisper to myself "Oh My God!"

It's you
And I'm in my new polka dot
Riding your dad's Peugeot, you say :
"C'mon sugar, you look so hot!"

It's Romeo and Juliet
And I'm in my new polka dot
Romeo's about to pull the trigger to his head
But we're busy with our own thoughts

It's us
And I'm in my new polka dot
Wondering how time could run so fast
Thinking you love me, or you love me not

It's time to go home
And I'm in my new polka dot
Hoping you forget the way back to my home
But if you really do, guess Daddy will surely get you shot

It's nine
And I'm in my new polka dot
Almost faint when you ask : "Will you be mine?"
Well, all I can do is just nod

Pindahan Posting

2009-09-13T21:46:00.000-07:00

Ada lg nehhh...postingan jadul jg...Tulisan pertama gw di dunia maya...^^

Almost steak

December 9th, 2006 by solareto-mimi

09/12/06 12.42 a.m.

From all the thinkable bad events that could happen to someone, it seemed like I prefer burning my own bed to anything else. Yeah, just take your time to laugh. I DID burn my bed. While sleeping due to the extreme exhaustion of mind, body and soul.

It’s not that I hate my bed that much or I’ve gone so mad and got totally out of my mind. It was a pure unnecessary accident out of potentially life-jeopardizing carelessness (haelah, bahasa gue…ketinggiiian). I was plugging in a heating pad to warm my bed and then, I guess, well…I’m sure, I just fell into a very deep sleep the very second I laid my head on my pillow.

Padahal waktu itu gua tau gua mestinya cuci kaki & do all those pre-sleep rituals dulu sblm naik ranjang, tp krn gua udh cape berat jdnya gua mikirnya peduli amat dah, I just jumped right on. Hajar aja. Dan emang apa yg mulanya gua inginkan, bnr2 terjadi, kasur gua anget beneran. Ngasep malah.

And VOILA! The next half an hour I just woke up all in a sudden (it was weird, though, I just woke up as if someone [or something? @-@] was making me to) and realized that thick white smoke was coming out of my bed. However, it took quite a long time for me to really digest what was really going on back then (maklum, br bangun ini, jd loadingnya lama…hehe, wong gua lg sober aja loadingnya lama haha). Dude, I was half-awaked, what d’ya expect, gitu loh. My best shot were just looking at it and moving my big fat ass as far as I could from the smoke. Still, I wasn’t fully awaked yet.

Had I gone to the bathroom and washed up a little before jumping on, gua tau gua ga bakalan sengantuk itu dan bisa inget u/ nyabut tuh heating pad busuk dr colokan. Makanya lain kali kalo ati lu ngasih tau elu2 pada u/ do something, (for goodness’ sake!) buruan aja kerjain biar ga kejadian yg aneh2 ky gua nih. Baik banget sih gua pake ngasih moral lesson segala…hahaha (“,) (meski pun kayanya lebih tepat ditujukan ke diri gua sdr deh…@-@). Kayanya tanduk setan gua udh mulai mengkerut nih…thank God. It’s almost Christmas, anyway. Time to put a halo upon my head. (:-p

As soon as I got all my system turned back on, I, just like any other sane person would do, rushed to the windows and opened them wide. And the door to. I spent the next couple of minutes trying to stop the bed from burning by pouring water. Don’t imagine anything too dramatic. There’s no flaming fire like in a big fire accident on those Hollywood movies. It was just like…(gimana ceritainnya yah?)…when you burn a cigarette. Ga ada api menjilat2 (palagi berkobar2, udah amsyong gua mah kalo iya) tp ada baranya merembet pelan2. Got the picture? Good.

I don’t know whether to blame myself or the moron who invented that stupid f***in’ (Oopss…sorry, just another slip of tongue :-p) thing which can’t turn off automatically. Well…guess I’m just looking for a scapegoat. I know the blame was on me. Stop pointing fingers on me, will ya?! Thank you.

I don’t have a bed now, which makes me into a pathetic sleepyhead that doesn’t have any idea where to sleep on. All I have now is a big black ugly and stinky hole on my bed (ex-bed) as well as on my favorite bed sheet. Haha. (-_-)

R is for Retarded.

Well…shit happens and I’m trying to look at the bright side. Anggep aja simulasi sblm masuk purgatory fire. Now, I don’t have to spend a long time to ponder on what I want for Christmas. More than that, I was so blessed that God hadn’t had His mind on turning me into a steak. Yet.

Love You, Lord.

This is your favorite reporter, Debby, reporting news right from the spot. Nite everybody, DBY Channel is signing off now. Shabe Satta Bhavantu Sukhitatta.

Pindahan Posting

2009-09-13T21:39:00.000-07:00

Cmn mindahin aja nih...ada post di blog yg satunya, tulisan jadul bagt pas abis putus...(Jan 8, 2008)

No more hard feelings, Baby...just to let people see my style of writing (",)

I’m officially jomblo now. What a relief! I finally get myself out of that HORRIBLE TWISTED relationship. Fewthf….

Though it took me 8months to realize that I was being held back n missled by a sociopath, I succesfully let myself out of his twisted pethatic world. He n his mellodramatic poor mental disorder are so wrecked n twisted. I surely deserve someone much much better. I’m happy now. Thanks for breakin’ up with me, dude (",). So liberating…..

I hereby thank him for giving me a precious chance to ever love someone n to increase my good karma thru my sincere love, good deeds n intentions. I hope he could crawl his way back into sanity n leave his depression behind.

Too Fast, Too Dangerous

2009-09-10T02:22:00.000-07:00

For someone requesting a poem...My sweet stranger ^-^

Too Fast, Too Dangerous

We are just two strangers
and before, our ways never cross each other's

Yet, there we were
Recklessly playin' with fire
Tryin' to quench the thirst of a companion
Passin' everyday with funny little chit-chat
Puttin' aside things we wish to forget
Unaware something could come all of a sudden

and somewhere between all those flirt and virtual kisses
We felt somethin' too quickly
way to quickly...
Then, one of us got blurred by too many wishes

and I start wonderin'
behind all the laughs you bring
Why did you knock on my door?
Share some stories and go back for some more

Could it be, you were looking for a cure?
If that's so, why didn't you just tell me to make it sure?
Could it be me,
the one to set you free
from all ghosts of your past
and slowly heal your fresh wound?
But everything's just happened too fast
Felt like we're on a rocket, heading straight to the moon

We are just two strangers
Both too afraid to move further
You are to me a stranger
Just as I am to you
and somewhere amongst those laughs I share with you
I know this fling could be really dangerous

With everything grew so soon
None of us was prepared to anticipate
Frightened to create just another wound
Let's just surrender to our fate

We are just two strangers
...wonder if we will always remain that way 'til then...

Hidup yang Bermutu

2009-09-01T01:41:00.000-07:00

Hidup yang bermutu, nurut gw adalah:

1. Hidup di mana seseorang tau dia sedang mengupayakan yang terbaik dari dirinya.

2. Hidup di mana seseorang tahu apa yang dimauinya.

3. Hidup di mana seseorang berjuang keras mewujudkan cita2 terbesarnya.

4. Hidup di mana seseorang sanggup menginspirasi terjadinya sebuah perubahan yang positif baik bagi dirinya sendiri mau pun orang lain di sekitarnya.

5. Hidup di mana seseorang menjalani setiap detik kehidupannya dengan gembira dan legawa.

6. Hidup di mana sebuah impian besar akhirnya terwujud setelah sebuah perjuangan.

7. Hidup di mana seseorang bisa menikmati hasil kristalisasi keringatnya sendiri dengan sukacita dan bebas.

8. Hidup di mana seseorang bebas merdeka dari rasa2/ emosi2 negatif atau himpitan2 sosial, finansial, mental, intelektual dan spiritual.

9. Hidup di mana seseorang akhirnya bisa berkata, "I'm livin' my BIGGEST dream!".

10. Hidup di mana seseorang bebas berekspresi dan mengeksplorasi serta mengembangkan talenta2nya.

I am the Master of my Mind

2009-08-31T23:59:00.000-07:00

Eiitss...ada puisi lama nih...puisi pertama di Bali... ^_^

Di sini aku melipat kakiku
Menyandarkan segala lelahku
Menutup mataku sejenak akan carut-marutnya realitaku

Membiarkan semua rasa sepi menetes keluar
Melepaskan segala rasa takut mengalir begitu saja
Memasrahkan segenap dukaku kepada angin

Di sini aku membaringkan tubuhku
Kutarik nafas sekali lagi
Kuhembuskan setiap jaring-jaring keputusaasaan yang mulai menjeratku
Kuhirup sedalam-dalamnya berbagai harapan di udara
Kutiupkan cemasku yang mulai menggelembung

Di sini aku berdiam
Mencoba mengendapkan semua sensasi fisikku
Mencari jalan 'tuk tersambung dengan inti diri
Menyadari kehadiranku pada saat ini
Berusaha menaklukkan pikiranku yang liar
Menenangkan hatiku yang kalut
Menyerah dan mengalir bagai air
Mengamati dan terus menyadari pikiranku sendiri

Aku ingin menjadi menjadi majikan dari pikiranku sendiri
Aku ingin menjadi majikan dari diriku sendiri
Aku ingin menciptakan dunia pikiran di mana AKU yang menentukan segala responku
Lepas dari kendali luar
Aku ingin mengendalikan diriku sendiri
Dan pikiranku

Dan membebaskan diriku sendiri dari kendali dunia

Aku, majikan dari diriku sendiri

Me versus Mbah Surip

2009-08-21T01:40:00.000-07:00

Let me begin this very first entry by expressing my deepest condolence to those losing our humble shining star, Mbah Surip. Gw bahkan punya lagu untuk dinyanyikan mengiringi kepergiannya, Gone Too Soon nya si Jacko. Hikss...let's pull ourselves together and sing...Yaakkk...pada ketukan empat per empat...euhh...gemana yah...tu lagu...lirik depannya...hahahhaha....ga apal gw...aahhh ngerusak suasana ajah nih memori gw! Yaahh, pokoknya...Gone Too Soon lah...Da daaahh, Mbah...Kau adalah sosok yg benar-benar orisinil dan sangat berpengaruh...bagi...siapa pun yg terpengaruh...yah gt deh...

Apa hubungannya antara gw sama sosok sederhana bin ajaib Mbah Surip kita tercinta tu?

Sayang sekali, ga ada.

Gw cuman mo membandingkan situasi kami berdua yg (nurut gw seehh) ada miripnya.

I was just starting my own business. Keahlian yang gw jadiin bisnis kecil-kecilan. Gw merangkai perhiasan dan aksesoris dari manik-manik, kerang, kayu, batu, kristal dan segala macam bahan apa pun yang bisa gw rangkai dgn masuk akal (jadi jari-jemari manusia tidak termasuk atau gigi-geligi jg).

I enjoy doing this craft art work a lot. I could be so consumed when working on it, totally lost for hours in it. Innitialy (and of course, ideally...haha gw gitu loh, si Perfeksionis/ Idealis sejati, @-@ dohhh), I really enjoy exploring various materials and fabulous designs that keep running through my head. I made these out of those. I created those out of these. Suka-suka gw dah, gw pegang bahan, bayangin desain yang bagus, gw buat, and VOILA! There you go, necklaces, earrings, charm bracelets!

However, I was so lost in the creating process that I paid just a little (ato ga sama sekali malah...haha @-@) on the commercial side of the business. When you call it a business, there must be numerous numbers involved. Production cost, transport cost, service fee, and blaaa blaa blaaa.

And the thing is, I was never really good with numbers! (makanya gw kuliah ngambilnya jurusan sastra, amaann, ga da itung-itungan bikin puyeng).

O...ow...mulai gawad nehh. Masa iya namanya bisnis ga pake itung-itungan? Bisa tekor dong gw tar ujung-ujungya. Bukan bisnis lagi tar namanya, tapi berderma amal alias kerja bakti alias bego. Gitu deh yah, pokoknya. Untungnya, ada temen gw yang alhamdullillah otaknya dipake secara lebih maksimal ketimbang punya gw (@-@), ngingetin untuk ga hanya pinter desain dan mencipta ajah, tapi juga musti pinter ngitung ini itu biar untung dan memaksimalkan profit sampe range yg tertinggi.

Pertama-tama, gw cuman manggut-manggut aja gt, kaya boneka dari India. Masuk akal juga, batin gw. Nahhh, ternyata giliran aplikasinya, gw kalang kabut sampe hilang minat segala (lebay d gw). Gw mulai nyoba ngitung bahan segini dengan harga beli segitu kudu bisa dibuat aksesoris sekian biji biari ga mubazier (karena banyak sisa bahan ga kepake) dan akhirnya bisa dijual dengan harga jual sekian per produknya.

Ini bikin gw gerah. Knapa?

Karena gw merasa kreativitas gw terkekang oleh tuntutan menciptakan nilai komersil yg mutlak harus dicapai dalam dunia bisnis. Gw jadi ngerasa gw ga bisa lagi dengan bebas megeksplorasi imajinasi untuk menghadirkan karya-karya yang benar-benar indah (nurut gw seh). Dunia imaji yang seharusnya tak berhorizon jadi tergarisbatasi oleh nilai ekonomi. Gw sampe bertanya-tanya "Apakah aku sedang mencoba dengan sia-sia mengkomersilkan karya seni?". Even more, is that something possible to do?

Gw tak henti bertanya, haruskah seni berkompensasi dengan komersialisasi saat berbenturan di ranah bisnis? Bingung kan lu pada...Gw aja bingungg...

Saat penciptaan karya seni disetir oleh keharusan mencapai BEP atau apa lah itu istilah ekonomi yang ruwet (ga gt ngerti juga gw, haha), gw sadar ada laju kreativitas yang tersunat. Dan itu merupakan harga yang harus dibayar mahal oleh para pekerja seni atau seniman (Jeeezzzzhhh...seniman dong gw...kekkekekekkk, berlagak bole dong...).

Saat sedang berkubang dalam kontemplasi tentang semua ini (hyaaahh...bahasa gw, coy!), terlintaslah sosok Mbah Surip yang sederhana. Gw asli langsung ngakak-ngakak, karena mau ga mau, terngiang juga lagu nyentriknya "takgendonggg ke mana-manaa...takgendongg ke mana-mana...enak to...mantep to...ketimbang kamu naik busway...kesasar...mendingan takgendong to...enak to...). Hyahahahahhahaa, sekarang aja gw geli banget nih ngetiknya. Kikikikikkkk.

Dari pertama kali gw liat aksi si mbah di tv pas nyanyi di klip video beliau, gw udah ngakak sampe guling-guling di lantai, eh salah ding, maksud gw, gw udah tau nih embah satu beda. Meski pun tongkrongannya sungguh ajaib, tapi yang lebih gw perhatiin adalah kebebasan beliau dalam mengekpresikan karyanya.

Mbah Surip tampak tak begitu peduli apakah karyanya nantinya akan melejit meroket menembus rekor penjualan sampe merebut bertruk-truk platinum award atau pemakaian RBT terlaris atau ga. He just merely sang. Dia hanya tahu soal mencipta lagu dan meyanyi, maka mencipta lagu dan menyanyilah dia. I bet that his songs later on becoming such a bombastic phenomenon NEVER crosses his mind. Not for once.

Menyikapi kenyataan ini dan segala carut-marut pembayaran royalti yang tak pernah sampai di tangan si embah dan para ahli warisnya, gw jadi makin bingung. Entah gw harus merasa salut atas kebebasannya berseni ria atau prihatin atas kepolosannya tentang dunia komersil yang menempatkannya sebagai sapi perah belaka.

I wonder whether the old artist ever felt that he should compensate his work of art to reach such a fantastic numbers of selling...Kurasa tidak. Dan kurasa jawaban bagi diriku pun jelas, saat seni bertemu dengan nilai ekonomi di kancah bisnis, one must choose, and I choose NOT TO COMPENSATE. Mungkin ada artis yang sanggup dengan begitu kreatifnya menggabungkan nilai seni dan nilai ekonomi sehingga berjalan sejajar dan saling menguntungkan, seperti Maia Estianty atau Ahmad Dhani, suaminya yang mayan ajaib juga tuh. Then, let me give them an outstanding applause. Mereka memiliki darah seni mengalir deras disertai ketajaman insting bisnis yang terpatri di nadi mereka.

Well...guess I am just an artist...and he was too...Becoming a great businessman/woman is just another story...And from now on, I will free myself to explore everything! Art work...,shall we? ^-^ Yuuukkk mari