Aku sedang sangat murka. Suasana hatiku sedang sangat kacau. Emosiku bagai rollercoaster, sehari senang, berhari2 murung, berminggu2 murka. Aku marah2 melulu, segala2nya tampak begitu salah.
Aku butuh pelampiasan, ingin rasanya mencari gara2 dengan preman pasar dan menantang seseorg berantem head to head.
Aku ingin menendang, berteriak2, menjambak, meninju, memiting, membanting, mematahkan, meludahi, memaki2.
Aku butuh menyendiri sesaat, karena akan makin runyam jika aku menghadapi dunia dgn kelakuan yg super sakit jiwa seperti di atas.
Aku butuh waktu untuk menyendiri, menyamankan dan mengamankan diriku sndiri (dan terutama org2 lain di skitarku >_<). I need some time to be with myself. Just alone. I need to feel secure and I need some comfort. I need to ponder. I need to be with my inner self. I need a time on my own to put things back into place and then get my feet back on the ground. Entah mengapa pacarku tak bisa memahami ini semua... Yakh sutralah, karena aku tak mungkin menendangi semua org yg ingin kutendang, mari kita puaskan kekacauan hatiku dengan membuat daftarnya saja...Smg segera setelah itu aku merasa jauh lebih baik. Amienn... Inilah org2 yg kuharap bisa kutendang, kujambak, kucabik, kuumpankan hiu martil, kubanting, kulindas truk, kumaki2, kuceburkan kolam ubur2, kusetrum di gardu listrik, kulontarkan dgn human canon, kutampol dengan shock breaker motor, kucabuti semua bulu2nya dengan teknik Brazilian waxing(sedaaappp!): 1. Pacarku yg ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH 2. His ex yg janda ga taw malu (ada apa dgn janda2 jaman skrg ni yakh...ga ngerti deuhh @_@ sputus asa itukah? 3. Temen kosku yg bawel n sok jadi polisi moral 4. Temen kantorku yg mesum & najis buntjies & sok kecakepan & jijay bajay yg hobinya muter lagu menye2 super najong macem 'Sang Mantan' nya Nidji (Blearrgghhh! Jijik bgt tauk!) 5. Diriku sendiri (atas semua akumulasi ketololanku slm 25 taun trakhir nee) 6. Manajer di kantorku yg payah (payah lu, Pak, sini biar gw ja yg jd MD, huh, gt aja kok repwott!) 7. Temen2ku di Bali yg sok ganteng, yg aneh, yg sok, yg lebay melambai (muak bgt ma lu2 pada, tauk) 8. Ibu Kantin kantorku yg super duper pelit n paiiiitttttt 9. Rhoma Irama (ga da dendem pribadi seh, cmn suka kesel aja liat tmpng mesumnya) Ganjil nehhh…kurg atu…sapa yakh…hemmm…ga da lg tu yg patut dikasi tendangan combo attack alla premanita…yah udahlah sembilan ajah…
Say G'dbye to Yesterday
Just like the darkest night
So dark was my past
And just like the darkest night
Light makes them pass
I know I can't escape my past
And what I did
But I also know I can let them pass me by
And I know the wise sees what one does
Instead of what one ever did
I wipe my eyes dry
And wave my past g'dbye
No more crying over who I was
No more tears of guilt
No more hiding because of shame
No more pains of self-blame
I'll welcome tomorrow with a warm 'hi'
I break the chains of my past and fly
Into better days in which I can do much better things
I'll make peace with those who are buzzing about my past sins
And let one who never sin be the first to cast a stone at me*
I see a divine mercy right before my eyes
Provides me a shelter under its wings
As from now on, to God only I shall cling
*See John 8:7
Aku ingin mencabik-cabik matahari
Dan kulumatkan menjadi milyaran debu
Matahari yang congkak
Kejam memanaskan bumi
Mendidihkan darahku
Sampai ingin teriak hingga ke atap langit
Kemarau adalah kemiskinan
Teriknya menyengat hingga dagingku mengerut
Menyesap darahku hingga kerontang
Menghantam kepalaku bak gada Sang Anoman
saat aku memikirkan cara mengepulkan dapurku
Membuatku pusing hingga hampir meledak
ketika teman-temanku raib pas kantongku kempis
Memantulkan semua kesal dan kecewaku
atas segudang keinginan yang tak teraih
Menyilaukanku dengan seribu hasratku sendiri yang tak terwujud
hingga aku setengah buta
Menguapkan danau mimpi-mimpi dan harapanku
Membakar pohon citaku dan hati pun jadi beringas
Memerahkan mataku seperti setan kelaparan
Meranggaskan jiwaku yang sangat haus
Aku sudah bukan lagi 'medium'
Apalagi 'rare'
I'm well-done
Bahkan kurasa aku sudah gosong alias 'overcooked'
Betapa aku merindukan hujan
Mengairi relung-relung hatiku yang berdebu
Menyejukkan otakku yang mengepul dengan airnya yang dingin dan bening
Menjernihkan mataku hingga aku dapat melihat dengan jelas
Menggelontor tumpukan kepahitanku
Membasuh luka-luka batinku
Membilas cermin hatiku yang buram
Setiap tetes sangatlah berharga
Tetesan pertama memercikiku dengan ketenangan yang syahdu
Tetesan kedua mengucuriku dengan sejumput harapan
Tetesan ketiga mengguyurku dengan gelombang mimpi-mimpi baru yang lebih indah dan hebat
Tetesan keempat menghujaniku dengan dorongan untuk bangkit dan berlari meraih
Setiap tetes adalah emas mulia
My tutor has just blatantly stated that marriage is overrated. It's just a piece of paper. Is it?
Does marriage emerge out of pressure given by our society? Do we marry mainly because we are bound to obey social norms?
She went further with a shocking suggestion, "You should even try that whole livin' together thing". It's a very controversial idea for a naive Eastern woman like me. I've heard that before, though. My newlywed best friend believes exactly in the same idea.
She said that marriage causes 'the real her' and 'the real him' to vanish. Moving from a courtship into a marriage, a loving relationship is very likely to become not so loving anymore in the long run.
Call me conservative, but isn't this whole livin' together thing for those who are shallow? Those who need an instant fulfillment of their unbearable urges? Those who are tryin' to eliminate unwanted and binding responsibilities caused by marriage?
I mean, off course marriage comes with all those shit binding us to some exclusive and prerogative rights and compulsory responsibilities. That's what a commitment is all about. That's what a marriage is all about. We need and love that feeling of being bound to somebody. Well...that's what I used to think.
I'm just wondering if livin' together is just a way to get rid all those that we don't like from a relationship OR is it a way to make things even better. Is it just some shallow shortcut into what we only want OR is it an anticipation to the so-called 'potential hell', a marriage?
It's Saturday
And I'm in my new polka dot
Guess it's gonna be my big day
'Cause I'm going out with my Todd
It's four
And I'm in my new polka dot
Waiting in front of the door
Whisper to myself "Oh My God!"
It's you
And I'm in my new polka dot
Riding your dad's Peugeot, you say :
"C'mon sugar, you look so hot!"
It's Romeo and Juliet
And I'm in my new polka dot
Romeo's about to pull the trigger to his head
But we're busy with our own thoughts
It's us
And I'm in my new polka dot
Wondering how time could run so fast
Thinking you love me, or you love me not
It's time to go home
And I'm in my new polka dot
Hoping you forget the way back to my home
But if you really do, guess Daddy will surely get you shot
It's nine
And I'm in my new polka dot
Almost faint when you ask : "Will you be mine?"
Well, all I can do is just nod
Ada lg nehhh...postingan jadul jg...Tulisan pertama gw di dunia maya...^^
Almost steak
December 9th, 2006 by solareto-mimi09/12/06 12.42 a.m.
From all the thinkable bad events that could happen to someone, it seemed like I prefer burning my own bed to anything else. Yeah, just take your time to laugh. I DID burn my bed. While sleeping due to the extreme exhaustion of mind, body and soul.
It’s not that I hate my bed that much or I’ve gone so mad and got totally out of my mind. It was a pure unnecessary accident out of potentially life-jeopardizing carelessness (haelah, bahasa gue…ketinggiiian). I was plugging in a heating pad to warm my bed and then, I guess, well…I’m sure, I just fell into a very deep sleep the very second I laid my head on my pillow.
Padahal waktu itu gua tau gua mestinya cuci kaki & do all those pre-sleep rituals dulu sblm naik ranjang, tp krn gua udh cape berat jdnya gua mikirnya peduli amat dah, I just jumped right on. Hajar aja. Dan emang apa yg mulanya gua inginkan, bnr2 terjadi, kasur gua anget beneran. Ngasep malah.
And VOILA! The next half an hour I just woke up all in a sudden (it was weird, though, I just woke up as if someone [or something? @-@] was making me to) and realized that thick white smoke was coming out of my bed. However, it took quite a long time for me to really digest what was really going on back then (maklum, br bangun ini, jd loadingnya lama…hehe, wong gua lg sober aja loadingnya lama haha). Dude, I was half-awaked, what d’ya expect, gitu loh. My best shot were just looking at it and moving my big fat ass as far as I could from the smoke. Still, I wasn’t fully awaked yet.
Had I gone to the bathroom and washed up a little before jumping on, gua tau gua ga bakalan sengantuk itu dan bisa inget u/ nyabut tuh heating pad busuk dr colokan. Makanya lain kali kalo ati lu ngasih tau elu2 pada u/ do something, (for goodness’ sake!) buruan aja kerjain biar ga kejadian yg aneh2 ky gua nih. Baik banget sih gua pake ngasih moral lesson segala…hahaha (“,) (meski pun kayanya lebih tepat ditujukan ke diri gua sdr deh…@-@). Kayanya tanduk setan gua udh mulai mengkerut nih…thank God. It’s almost Christmas, anyway. Time to put a halo upon my head. (:-p
As soon as I got all my system turned back on, I, just like any other sane person would do, rushed to the windows and opened them wide. And the door to. I spent the next couple of minutes trying to stop the bed from burning by pouring water. Don’t imagine anything too dramatic. There’s no flaming fire like in a big fire accident on those Hollywood movies. It was just like…(gimana ceritainnya yah?)…when you burn a cigarette. Ga ada api menjilat2 (palagi berkobar2, udah amsyong gua mah kalo iya) tp ada baranya merembet pelan2. Got the picture? Good.
I don’t know whether to blame myself or the moron who invented that stupid f***in’ (Oopss…sorry, just another slip of tongue :-p) thing which can’t turn off automatically. Well…guess I’m just looking for a scapegoat. I know the blame was on me. Stop pointing fingers on me, will ya?! Thank you.
I don’t have a bed now, which makes me into a pathetic sleepyhead that doesn’t have any idea where to sleep on. All I have now is a big black ugly and stinky hole on my bed (ex-bed) as well as on my favorite bed sheet. Haha. (-_-)
R is for Retarded.
Well…shit happens and I’m trying to look at the bright side. Anggep aja simulasi sblm masuk purgatory fire. Now, I don’t have to spend a long time to ponder on what I want for Christmas. More than that, I was so blessed that God hadn’t had His mind on turning me into a steak. Yet.
Love You, Lord.
This is your favorite reporter, Debby, reporting news right from the spot. Nite everybody, DBY Channel is signing off now. Shabe Satta Bhavantu Sukhitatta.
No more hard feelings, Baby...just to let people see my style of writing (",)
I’m officially jomblo now. What a relief! I finally get myself out of that HORRIBLE TWISTED relationship. Fewthf….
Though it took me 8months to realize that I was being held back n missled by a sociopath, I succesfully let myself out of his twisted pethatic world. He n his mellodramatic poor mental disorder are so wrecked n twisted. I surely deserve someone much much better. I’m happy now. Thanks for breakin’ up with me, dude (",). So liberating…..
I hereby thank him for giving me a precious chance to ever love someone n to increase my good karma thru my sincere love, good deeds n intentions. I hope he could crawl his way back into sanity n leave his depression behind.
